Spooky In Bed

Halloween came and went, but apparently, you are still trying to spook your date, only this time it is out of your bed. No matter how versed you are in matters of the bedroom and kinking things up more than a natch, the fact is there are some things you can’t just pull in the middle of sex. Some preferences and fetishes are better kept off a secret until you are 100% sure she is okay with them and approves of trying.

No matter how much your last girlfriend loved anal sex and spiked whiplashes, your next partner is by no means obliged to like the same things nor should you assume she will. Being with a new partner will always require a little research and field work. If there are certain things you are really into, try discussing them with her first to see her reaction about one subject or the other. If you like bondage ask her what she thinks about handcuffs; if you are into props ask her whether she has used a his-and-hers vibrator during foreplay. Test the waters first.

Even when you have gotten a reaction out of her, this first opinion on say, anal sex could change. But it is very important you don’t push your partner into anything she does not feel comfortable doing. The whole idea of experimenting with new levels of sex is getting closer, not further apart. When she is totally negative about a given idea you are into, ask her whether she has tried it before or if she’d be willing to give it a shot before totally rejecting the idea.

Giving her an opportunity to choose can make her inhibitions fade further. Sometimes society taboos about alternative sexual practices can really hinder a person’s drive to try new experiences. Most people just need an open-minded partner that does not judge them about doing a certain thing to try it out.

Remember that what scares one lady might turn the next one on. That is why communication with your partner is so important. If your goal is not to scare her away, be as honest and open minded as you can (specially if you are coming to her with a wild strap-on idea or something). Be it role-playing, rough play, dirty talk or any other fetish you want to try together, you have to ask first. This way, your partner will ease into the idea and, were she to accept, the overall atmosphere will be one of acceptance and even excitement.

Continuously remind her that it is okay for her to feel uncomfortable about doing or saying certain things. Have her tell you, and you do too. As long as both parts of the equation have the green light to continue whatever it is you two kinky people are doing, things will just flow. Never ever do something you don’t want to do just to please your partner. If it is not comfortable for you, you are likely to resent her and that is just bad. And the same goes for her. Make sure to repeat this to her constantly, but don’t overwhelm her either. Balance, dude; balance.

Telling a partner about your bondage and candle wax fetishes might be as easy as taking a little generic Viagra pill, or it might not. But unless you try you’ll never know, right? So, go ahead; get a pair and have great days and nights of hot, passionate sex. Enjoy without being spooky in bed.

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